Maybe the Holidays Aren't So Bad

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We've been busy girls at the Girly Ranch. This past weekend, we moved past the single-candle-in-the-window phase to an almost full-blown Christmas decorating party!

I had moved my few boxes of Christmas decorations up to the main level a week earlier, but Thelma wasn't quite ready to face the task or the notion of Christmas just yet. She misses her father during the holidays, and I'm dealing with the first holiday season after losing my daughter. It was waterworks all around, let me tell you.

But after spending much of Saturday in bed (not sick) or piddling about the house and barn, we found ourselves with time on our hands Sunday. I decided to begin to decorate. I took out my Charlie Brown Christmas tree, which is a 4' pre-lit tree, and my few decorations--mostly blue and gold, with white lights. I felt bad, because Thelma didn't want to bring out her decorations, as she felt I needed to be with my things more. My little tree was too small for all her ornaments. My mood dipped, and suddenly my tiny spark of Christmas cheer was almost out. I did what I do often since my daughter died - I lay down in the bed and cried for awhile. Though Thelma tried to cheer me up, I was suddenly exhausted.

A few hours and a nap later, I came out to find her buzzing around, putting a few of her things out and finding places to hang lights! Before we knew it, the place was sparkling with bright colors, folk art pieces, and Christmas spirit. My tears were dried, and the mark of us both was all over the house--her reindeer and snowmen, my tree, her towels, my towels, her bows, my 4' star... It was radiant. Though we are both missing pieces of ourselves - our loved ones - we realize that this is our first Christmas together. We want to make it special.

Shopping has been difficult, because we are always together ('cause we want to be, of course!). I've done almost all of my shopping online, which is how I normally do it anyway. She has done some shopping online, but some of it she did with a separate cart at Walmart tonight. That was a challenge, I'm sure!

The jaunt through the megastore was a challenge for me, too. Right now I'm on a cane with an ankle splint on because of a fall down the last three steps down the stairs from the loft. I'm okay - just sprained - but it gave us a scare. It's the second fall on stairs I've had since we moved in here last summer, but now we know I have MS. I need to be much more aware of each step I take, and I need to hold the handrail. It's difficult to relearn how to do things like walking up and down stairs!

Thelma had an EMG on both legs and her appointment with the neurosurgeon on Monday, and she has a couple of options for what's wrong with her hip (piriformis syndrome). She can have same-day surgery to cut the tendon to the piriformis muscle, which should alleviate most of the burning pain she has in the hip almost immediately, followed by physical therapy, or she could have physical therapy to see what happens**. This pain syndrome is caused by a permanent spasm in the piriformis muscle, which is deep in the pelvis. The pain has stopped so much of her activity, because on the days it hits her the hardest, even sitting down is difficult. Walking around a place like Walmart, with its hard floors, is grueling for her.

What to do, what to do? With me gimping around, she's worried about having surgery that would lay her up for awhile. She doesn't feel I could handle the barn detail every day plus other chores that have to be done. We could have some help come in, but then that means dealing with an extra person in the house. We're still in the selfish phase of our relationship, when we want to be able to grab onto each other in any room in the house, kiss at the barn, make love in the middle of the day. (Honestly, I hope we never outgrow this phase!) I think she's going to try physical therapy first to see if it helps, plus she's getting a deep tissue massage on her birthday (next Tuesday), as part two of her gift. (Part one was a trip to the salon!)

Whatever we do, though, we will get through it together. It's been a wild ride so far, and we often wonder exactly what God has in store for us. He must know how strong we both are, and He is using all these trials to strengthen us as a couple. I feel it.

I promise to write more later. We've had other things going on - such as her brother's illness. He was diagnosed with bladder cancer, but the surgeon got it all out. He has secondary-progressive MS and has had many challenges, so would you all please include him in your prayers? God will know who you're talking about.

Peace and happy holiday prep! -L

**Another treatment possibility is an injection of Botox in the muscle, followed by physical therapy, but there are a couple of problems with that: (1) insurance will not pay for the Botox medication (several hundred dollars), just the doctor's services and (2) we're not reading that people have gotten really good results from that route. But she would never have a wrinkle on her butt!