And then it all began...

(A continuation of Timing is Everything...)
After I got the email that broke the dam wide open, I just had to get through what I had to get through for my daughter's death. Thelma was there for me every step of the way, from the moment I told her that my daughter had died right up until now. The last two days have been very, very difficult. It's been three months since my girl died, and it's been weighing heavily on me. When I catch myself feeling happy and content, I start to think about how my daughter will never have that again in this world. She'll never go tubing down the river. She'll never meet Thelma. She'll never get on one of our horses. And then the tears come and I feel like I can't breathe.

We were supposed to be having fun last night at a July 4th party, and I ended up going back to the car and having myself a cry. I ended up crying so hard on the way home that my shoulders, chest, and back ached. Coming off this long-acting pain medication is hard, too, but I feel like I'm in the perfect storm sometimes. Yes, overall I'm happy, but I'm also going through a lot of crap.

But back to the story. Over the days beyond the memorial service, Thelma and I became inseparable, at least online. We were either on the phone, on Facebook chat or sending emails and music back and forth. We began getting to know one another again, because things had changed so much since high school. We'd each had full lives that spanned the spectrum from joy to pain and everything in between.

We started talking about getting together in June in Maryland. I was planning to get her a room at a very nice hotel down the street from me. I had cats at the house, plus the STBeX was still living there, so her staying at my house wasn't possible. She was going to fly or drive in the second week of June.

Then I began to feel that I couldn't wait to see her. I know she felt the same way. So I asked her whether it would be possible for me to come see her in late May. As I expected, she was overjoyed! I began searching for good rates on a flight and settled on one for the Memorial Day weekend. I would be there for 5 days, and she reserved a room in the city for the first two nights I'd be in town. We knew we'd need that time to get to know each other again and express how we were feeling. She reserved a very, very nice room, and we were both looking forward to being together.

The longer we talked, though, the more we knew 5 days together wasn't going to be enough. She wanted to take me horseback riding and to the river, and all the things we ended up doing together. I decided to extend the trip, flying in the week before and working part of the time I was to be there. It isn't that I wanted to work, but I had used a lot of time off around my daughter's death.

As the trip neared, I would give her daily updates, counting down from 30 days... "28 days and a wake-up," I'd say. It seemed interminable.

One Thursday I was out walking my bulldogs and thought, "I just want to get in the car and GO." It occurred to me that I could just go on Saturday...a full 5 days early. I called Thelma and said, "What would you think about me coming down there early? Driving, instead of flying?"

The response was a resounding YES! I went into high gear, packing and prepping everything for the trip. I'd be with her for two weeks, extended from 5 then 10 days. The closer the trip got, the less I felt that I ever wanted to come back to what I was now thinking of as my old life. I knew I needed to get away, to think about something besides my daughter's death and all of the reminders, but it was much, much more than that. I was in love. I had loved Thelma since high school and never gave up on finding her. Now that I had her in my sights, I knew I'd never let go. I'd never give up until we were together. Having her back in my life made getting up in the morning easier. It made life worth living.

Saturday morning came and I put on the coffee. I had barely slept and had a long drive ahead of me, but I scarcely felt the fatigue. All I knew was that in a matter of hours I'd be meeting her at a hotel in the Tennessee mountains. I'd be seeing her again for the first time in 30 years. I hoped she would like what she saw....

Until next time, L