Now I know how my mother felt.
They tell you that you won't be able to truly put yourself in your parents' place until you've had or raised children. There is something about having to mend a boo-boo, potty train a kid, hear them shriek from their room - "I hate you!" that shocks you into a deja vu moment of "Wow, this is how my mom must have felt."
This morning around 5 a.m., my son and his best friend drove away from Girly Ranch to head back home. We had them visiting since Thursday night and spent our days talking, eating, drinking margaritas (okay - that was in the evening), and doing some fun things. Thelma got to know my boy a little more, and we enjoyed spending time with his best friend, as well. I wish I could post some pictures of the visit here, but for now we're laying low. Lots of divorce stuff going on, and though I've taken great pains to hide us away here in the blog, you never know.
It wasn't until last night, though -- when I was making sure all the boys' laundry was given back to them, that they had snacks for the road, that the coffee maker was ready, that the car was cleaned out and packed -- that I realized how my mother must have felt when I came for a visit and was packing to leave. She must have felt the same rock in the pit of her stomach thinking about how long it might be before I came to visit again. At first it was once a year, then it became less frequent as I added children, pets, and more responsibilities to my plate. It was really hard to do when I was traveling with work - and now she's gone. I'm hoping that my son - the only child I have left - will continue to want to visit us here and spend time doing fun things.
I swore I wouldn't cry when he left, but as Thelma picked up her blanket and rose from the rocking chair on the porch, as the taillights of my son's car passed through the gates of Girly Ranch, I burst into tears. Thelma hugged me and took me back inside.
"I wonder how many times my mama has cried like that when I left," she said.
We drifted back off to sleep at some point, but the ranch feels very empty today. I'll be waiting for the boys' next visit with longing.
Peace - L
Be proud that you have raised a child who can stand on his own and "come visit and leave".
ReplyDeleteAll three of my children have stood on their own since graduating high school. I have friends and family whose children can't and won't do anything but "suck" their parents dry of both money and energy.Those parents grow old fast. You done your part for him, now it's your turn! Live your life, have fun and enjoy him when he visits! :)
You made me cry with this post.
ReplyDeleteThank you &
Aloha
Comfort Spiral
My own little man is just now six, and this post just tugged at my heart and brought tears to my eyes. God Bless ladies! ((((HUGS))))
ReplyDeleteAw....... now your making me feel sad as I have just said goodbye to my daughter and grandsons and a few days before that to my son & granddaughters!
ReplyDeleteWe will be spending most of the summer on our own.
I am sure that your son will always want to come & see you.
It is true though that you can only relate to your parents' feelings when you have children of your own. It is very true.
My own son is driving back to his home after a visit with us tomorrow. I don't feel sad when he goes. Obviously I miss his company, but for me, it's more than enough compensation that he's living independently, and happily, with his girlfriend in their own little house. It takes me back to the days when OH and I were first married. I seriously do not grieve when he goes home. I guess I am either lucky or insensitive! LOL!
ReplyDeleteTry to see how great it is that your son is secure and happy in his independence. After all, it's what you raised him to be, isn't it? ;)
"Nature abhors a vacuum" don't worry kiddo the void will fill until the next time. You two have to much life in you to stay sad for long.
ReplyDeleteI'm not looking forward to those days of watching my kids drive away. Not looking forward to it at all.
ReplyDeleteA touching post. Rarely does a week pass by when I do not reminisce about how my folks would have felt when I, as a kid, did what my kids do now.
ReplyDeleteHaving been away in the US for 11 years and getting to see them once every two years has an amplified effect that usually runs into many posts I write. It is a diametrically opposite perspective. One from the child. But the lietmotif is still love and caring :-)
Madhu
www.indimag.com
Oh yes it all comes back to haunt you when you become a parent doesn't it? It's really hard when your kids leave the nest and stand on their own two feet but that's what we raise them to do isn't it? I'm sure your boy will be back to visit many times. xx
ReplyDeleteYep, take it from an Ozarks farm chick, my daughter who swore that she would never be like her Mama is now saying,"mirror,mirror on the wall I am my mother after all." She has recently said things like, "I wasn't an easy on to raise,was I?" They do eventually end up appreciating you. Take care and have a blessed day.
ReplyDeleteSorry I haven't been by in a while, just life and work bogging me down a bit. Sounds like you are doing very well, I'm so glad. I remember every time I left after a visit at my moms' house we both would be crying as I left. LOL I always hated leaving and she always hated to see me leave. But, I guess we have to grow up and move on right? I still miss her sooooooo much, and she moved on nearly 3 years ago now.
ReplyDeleteWell, come by and see me sometime my friend, take care you and Thelma,
Julian :)
Louise - we all learn as mums just what our mothers felt I think. you did well to hold it in till the tail lights receded.
ReplyDeleteStill think of you and finally updated my reader with this blog in it!
All of these milestones our "kids" pass leave us feeling ambivalent--thrilled that they're coming into their own, sad that their "taillights are receding."
ReplyDeleteLadies, are you still there?
ReplyDelete